Choices .......

Everything in our lives is a result of the

decisions and choices we make.

Understanding this is one of the most powerful 

realizations we can make towards

creating our own experiences.

 

Having a Tough Day? Try this.

If you're having a tough day, here's a suggestion, google "Fred Rogers quotes" then click on images. Now that will lift your spirits. What a man. Seriously, what a man. We should all listen to the wise, loving guidance of this amazing man.

 

The Courage of a Kind, Soft Heart

It can sure be a tough, cruel world out there. We have to try to remember that being a good, kind person is its own reward. But, ugh. That can be very difficult sometimes. When others around you are often not kind nor good but seem to be prospering, it isn't easy to stay the course; or at least feel good about it. If you're like me, there really isn't an option of switching over to the dark side. I just can't do it. It feels awful to me. It feels ugly and wrong. I can't be mean. I don't like it. However, being the kind, soft-hearted person doesn't always feel good either at times. It kind of feels like I'm getting pushed around and taken advantage of and, quite frankly, not appreciated nor respected. That does NOT feel good. 

Those are the times that we have to be sure we have surrounded ourselves with likeminded people; with people who can help us stay on our path to be true to our authentic self. It doesn't have to be a lot of people. Your inner circle can be 1 to 100, but whether it's 1 or 100, make sure they are the people who will support you to be who YOU want to be. These people are Your Tribe (more about that in a blog soon to come). Make sure they are the people who will give you what you need to get over this hump, get away from the negative people, get out of the toxic environment you're in or whatever the issue is and help you remember the blessing your good and kind heart is for yourself and those with whom you come in contact. 

Let's take care of each other out there. Remember, we are all in this together. 

Stop Glorifying Busy

I have found myself drawn to the phrase "Stop glorifying busy." This resonates with me. It makes sense to me. We are living in a society that is moving fast, and we are doing so much. When I think about this issue, my mind goes to two distinct places:

First, I feel like if we aren't saying how VERY busy we are, we feel like our work/lives mustn't be very important. WE mustn't be very important. Think about when someone asks you how you are doing? How often do you say, "Busy, we are just so busy." It's like we are justifying the importance of our existence by accentuating that we can't possible get everything that is important in our lives done without being crazy busy. CRAZY BUSY. I read an article that suggested we substitute the word full for busy. I've been doing that for a couple of years now. Life IS full!!! And I don't hate it, I LOVE it. This takes me to my next point about glorifying busy.

Second, having a busy life (from this point forward will be referred to as full life) does not mean it is bad. What I believe many people in our society have lost is the belief that they can enjoy life even when it is so full we feel like our heads are going to spin off our bodies. If this is how life is, we have to find a way that the full lives we are leading are not frantic lives. Frantic has some negative energy surrounding it and those around us can feel it; our colleagues, partners, children, and other family & friends. Frantic is defined as "wild or distraught with fear, anxiety, or other emotion". We sure don't want to be distraught. Whereas, hectic is defined as being "filled with  activity or excitement." I'd like to suggest we try the following things as steps towards making our full lives less distressed and more exciting:

1. Look at everything you're doing. Ask yourself if something is missing. Gym time. Vising family. Time with your partner or kids. Sleep. Mani/pedi time. Whatever it is, make it happen. I know it isn't easy, and quite frankly, I was/am terrible at this for myself. I'm better now than I have been, but my kids are also teenagers. I have more freedom.
2. Look at everything you're doing. Ask yourself if there is something you absolutely hate. If there is, ask yourself if it is something you can eliminate or at least cut back on. If you are lucky enough to have some disposable income, pay someone to do something that you hate doing or that takes up too much time around the house like yard work, cleaning the house, washing clothes, grocery shopping online for pickup. In my own life, there were things that I hated doing that my husband didn't mind at all, and visa-versa. We looked at those things and made adjustments as we could. Sometimes, there isn't anything you can adjust about a responsibility you really dislike. However, be honest with yourself about it which leads to my next point. 
3. Don't be a victim. Don't tell yourself, "There isn't anything I can do. That's just the way life is." Don't settle for that. Don't you dare settle for that. If you are feeling out-of-control, key word, FEELING. Your feelings are something you DO control. So........
4. Change your thinking. Busy/full do NOT have to be out-of-control or frantic. They don't. I promise you. It's just A LOT. If it's a lot of bad stuff, then you've got to re-evaluate. However, for most of us, it is just a full life. Remember, in life there is always going to be something going on; getting through college, starting a career, dealing with relationships through it all, growing a career, buying a house, having kids, having teenagers, saving for retirement / or not being able to save for retirement, kids in college, caring for elderly parents (if we're lucky), and then when all of that is over..............we get old, if we're lucky. None of it's bad, it just is, and it makes for a full life.

When I was looking at all these things in my own life, there really wasn't anything I wanted to get rid of. So......there it was. I wasn't a victim, I was voluntarily making my life "out-of-control" or at least that's the way I had been looking at it. However, it wasn't out-of-control. I was in total control of it. I didn't want to stop doing any of it. I realized I had to think about it differently. I had such a FULL life and it was amazing AND I had created it. Wow. I am fabulous!!!! AND SO ARE YOU.
   
Here is an article that has some other suggestions for helping us to stop the glorification of busy:
Let's Stop the Glorification of Busy. by Guy Kawasaki

This quote from Busy isn’t respectable anymore, is very important to remember when talking about "busy", "Being busy, in this context, is not synonymous with being hard working or productive or effective. Also, this article is calling into question busyness for busyness sake. Busyness by necessity, at least for a season, is an entirely different conversation." The author of that article, Tyler Ward, also has another piece that addresses this issue, Becoming Less Busy Isn't About Slowing Down.

This article is focused specifically on work life, but you can transfer the logic to the "busyness" of your personal life too.
Our lives ARE full, and how lucky are we!!! We have families, work, homes to keep up, children, pets, school activities, kids' homework, Dr. appts, sporting events, community activities like church and 4-H, elderly parents, volunteering, not to mention trying to do good things for ourselves like going to the gym or spa, how about enough sleep, right! We are living in a wealth of abundance and joy, and now we know how to Keep Calm and Carry On through it all.

Lucky you.

Grandpap and the Joy of Whistling

It is one of my favorite sounds; someone whistling. It brings such joy to my heart because it reminds me of my grandpap and now of my Daddy. My husband told me once that my Dad was the only person he knew that could harmonize with himself when he whistled. It seems impossible, but honestly, when you hear him whistle, it does sound like he is harmonizing. It's a beautiful sound. I'm sure he learned that from his Dad.

From as far back as I can remember, my Grandpap Rips whistled. We always heard him before we saw him. It was a good feeling to hear that whistle and jump up and run to greet him at the kitchen door.

He was a gentle man that had a silent strength about him. Whistling suited his personality perfectly. It feels kind and light hearted and calm and peaceful, like the kind of man he was and like my Dad is too. I've noticed that my son, Zeke, is a whistler. How that makes my heart sing! I don't know if you'd call Zeke calm and peaceful if you met him, but he's 11 so maybe not on the outside. He's pretty much all kid!!! But once you get to know him, you'd know that on the inside, yes, Zekie is calm and peaceful. He's kind and loving and boy does that kid have a sense of right and wrong; and he'll call you on it. I super love that about it. Standing up for what is right. It warms my heart to hear him whistling like his Pap and great-grandpap before him. If seems like such a joyful sound and perhaps to them, my Grandpap, Dad and son, it helps(helped) them to keep calm and carry on. Maybe without them even realizing it.

Ouch! My Brain Hurts (and my heart).

Recently, I had one of those days when you feel like nothing can go right. My emotions were right there on the brink of overflowing. There are several points throughout the day that I want to share what I was thinking and feeling.

At one point, I was in a meeting where there was discussion about some bullying a student had endured. I started tearing up when I was expressing my thought about the situation. Unfortunately, as I thought about it later, I was kind of embarrassed. I know I shouldn't be, but it is something that people see has weak. I was certainly not being weak. I am just a very passionate person. I feel things very deeply so crying comes pretty easy when I'm emotional. Any emotion - sad, mad, happy, frustrated, or whatever. To quote one of my favorite movies, "Laughter through tears is one of my favorite emotions." You get a gold star if you know who said that in what movie. So anyway, I was feeling a bit silly that people saw me get all emotional. I really wish we could get to a place that being emotional or passionate isn't seen as weak. It's very curious to me because it doesn't initially feel like I'm being weak. Then, I think about it and start to feel that way. It's a societal label. I don't like it. Just sayin', and I'll say it again; I do NOT like it. We should be able to show what we are feeling in our heart without feeling "less" for it. Now, this brings me to another point. What I really need to do, is not let myself feel that way. I do it to myself. I do. I know I do.

As I reflect back on that difficult day, as so many have been lately, I realize I have total control over my experience of those days. Easier said than done. Or is it? All I have to do is change my thought because you know, "Thoughts Become Things"!!! They do. I know that, and I believe that. If I think it, it becomes real to me in my mind. If I don't think it, it isn't there; i.e. the weakness feeling. I'm going to focus on taking back control and not handing over that power to others. I know that will help me "keep calm and carry on."

Can I Take This Back To The Farm?

I was fortunate to be in attendance at a leadership panel recently at which WV Secretary of State, Natalie Tennant, was a participant. She talked about how she developed her leadership style, some of her greatest challenges and who she looked up to as a role models. It was a great forum. I've always been proud of Secretary Tennant since I first came to know who she was when she became the first woman mountaineer. It had to be tough for her because I heard a lot of shit at tailgates and in the game about having a woman mountaineer. Really just stupid stuff like she should be home in the kitchen. What? Are we in the 50's??? What does that even mean or matter??? Did people yell at the previous male mountaineers that they should be at their jobs bringing home the bacon??? Some called her names that I won't even type in this blog. I always called people out if they did it in my presence. I never let people put her down. Since then, she has gone on to do well but you would expect that from someone who had the desire to be the first female mountaineer knowing what she would have to endure. I'm sure she knew what she was in for when she applied. I would call that fortitude and courage. I like it. I like my boys to see strong women taking on non-traditional roles. It will bode well for how they view the women in their lives today and in the future. If their life partners are women, it will just be good for everyone all the way around if they already have a high respect for women and view them as equals.

Anyway, I digress. What I really wanted to talk about was something very specific that Secretary Tennant said. One of the questions the panel was asked by an audience member had to do with what they would recommend to help someone be able to maintain their integrity in a world that oftentimes does not reward honestly and fairness. Secretary Tennant noted that her compass involved asking herself, "Can I take this back to the farm?" Meaning, can she go home and face her parents and the rest of her family with her decision. I loved that! I love that because it is one of the things I ask myself when I'm dealing with something that tests my values; What would my mom & dad think about this decision?, or What decision would make my parents proud? Since becoming a mom, I also added to my list of questions, "What decision would I want my sons to know I made?" These kinds of questions help to keep me grounded in the things that I know to be true but might be hard to remember when I found myself in a compromising situation with those who might not have the same moral or ethical compass as me. I'm sorry to say those situations are more common than I'd like so it is even more important than ever to stick to the truths you have laid out for yourself and trust they will help you to Keep Calm and Carry On.

Modern Day Explorers

I was driving my son, Zeke, home from somewhere the other day when he said, "hey mom, can we go exploring?" I was so happy to hear him say this because, you see, I "explore" all the time. I will just take off down a road we've never been on before to see where we end up. Once Zeke and I were on a back road for over 45 minutes when I decided we needed to head back the way we came because I had no idea where we were going to end up, and we'd already been driving quite long.
Anyway, I was so glad to hear Zeke say he wanted to explore, because I think it shows a sense of adventure and light heartedness, and I believe that's good for a person. It's just a little adventure, but an adventure nonetheless, and apparently, he had enjoyed it when he was with me and I had decided I wanted to explore.
So, off we went down a road we had both wondered at some point where it went. Oh the fun we had!!! We saw 3 deer, 2 chipmunks, a squirrel AND found where the road came out - two words - new shortcut!!! In addition to that bonus, it was a great adventure with my Zekie, and we were home in less than an hour. I mean really, you can not beat that. You should try it sometime. It's like the old "Sunday drive" which I loved as a kid. It kind of puts everything on hold in our crazy lives and justs lets you be together "exploring". It's a great way to help us "keep calm and carry on."
Have fun.

Ten years after 9/11

With the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorists attacks just past, I wanted to remind people all the things we did in the days, weeks and months following that fateful day that showed why we are the greatest country on earth. Do you remember how everyone started flying their American flags at their homes. I loved that. Every car that was on the highway had some kind of American symbol on it. Flags, eagles, military. At sporting events or other large gatherings we started new traditions everywhere related to patriotism and our love of this great nation. I also remember how we kind of all supported each other. We seemed like a kinder people. Can we all please get back to these things? It made us a better nation.
What I don't want to remember was the fear we all felt. Some much stronger and different than others. We were a nation under attack and as a people, we responded with a natural reaction; fight back. However, I cautious you to be careful with fear because it can also breed hatred. It is easy to hate something you don't understand, like another religion. But we really need to rise above that and understand that different doesn't mean bad or wrong. Those awful terrorists used their religion to try to justify their actions. Religion is based in Love so that just doesn't fly. Understand - they made that up. They bastardized their religion the same way someone that bombs an abortion clinic in the name of their Christianity bastardize theirs. Their religion doesn't call them to kill anymore than Christianity calls it's followers to kill and we know that it doesn't. Keep that in mind when others are bashing followers of other religions it is everyones responsibility to stand up for one another. We must remind others that terrorists are the ones that attacked our country on 9/11 not the religious group which they claim to belong. Again, I remind you, they are killers, they will say anything to try to justify their self proclaimed mission. They are making it up. Keep that in mind so we can move past the fear and hatred and that will certainly help us all "keep calm and carry on."
　

Life's Little Joys

I was thinking the other day how excited I get when I see a deer. Yes, just the common white tailed deer. Now, I have seen quite a few deer in my day. Hundreds, even thousands, I'm sure. I still love seeing them and think they are so beautiful each time. I hope I never lose that joy when I see a deer. That got me thinking. What other things have I done or seen or heard a million times about which I hope I never grow tired. These are a few that came to mind.
I love the sound of a train. It makes me stop what I'm doing and listen for just a minute. There aren't that many trains anymore (although I'm betting they'll be making a comeback in the next 20 years) but when I was young, there were a lot of trains. Both sets of my grandparents lived by the railroad tracks. Back then, there was a train through there about every 20 minutes. I loved it. We would run back to the creek (or crik if you prefer), because the tracks were on the other side, and wave to the engineer and guy(s) in the caboose. It was so exciting when they waved back. it was just fun. Once, as an adult, my three siblings and I were hiking in the New River Gorge when we heard a train coming through the gorge. Without saying a word, all four of us simultaneously stopped and stood silent as the train went by. It was beautiful.
Another thing I hope I never grow tired of is flying on a private plane. I've been fortunate to have had the opportunity to do that twice in my life. Wow was it exciting. Walking right into the airport, five minutes before departure, no security check, a car waiting when you land taking you whereever you need to go. I just felt giggly. I hope I never lose that feeling. What fun! I don't want THAT experience to ever become common place. That would just be boring.
I realized the other day that I really love those great big windmills. I know, I know. Lots of people don't, but I do. I don't find them obtrusive at all. I find them very reassuring and peaceful actually. I've seen a bunch of those here in WV and other places, but have never stopped being in awe. I hope I don't.
I love flowers and am always taken by the incredibly beautiful colors that nature creates every spring. When you think about it, it's really quite amazing. I always think about how amazing it is, and I think it helps me enjoy them that much more.
Little meandering steams make me feel really good inside. It feels peaceful and it reminds me of when I was young. We had a stream beside our house when I was little. We built dams, fished for minnows off the bridge and floated boats, bought and homemade, down that stream. We searched for crawdads, found box turtles and could cool off on a hot day. Water is just calming. I hope I never lose that feeling no matter how many times I see a steam or creek and put my feet in it. If you've never done that, you're missing out - try it!
These are just a few of the things I hope I never grow tired of experiencing. I get so much joy from them, I would hate to get to a point that I was taking them for granted. This all plays into the whole "attitude of gratitude". Do you appreciate the little things that bring you joy? Einstein said there are 2 kinds of people, those who think everything is a miracle and those who think nothing is. Which are you? I'm sure there are many simple things in your life that if you pay attention and recognize them, they can be part of the plan to help you keep calm and carry on.

A Call for Civic Responsibility

I've been on jury duty call for 3 weeks now. This is the first time I've ever been on jury duty. A lot of people hate to get called. I did not. Even though it is inconvenient, I believe it is a very important part of our way of life in the United States. Last Friday, my belief in this process was solidified by the incredible experience I had.
I was called to the court house for jury selection on Friday. I had no idea what to expect. After the long, emotionally draining day, I knew I had to tell others about the experience. All I can say is, UNBELIEVABLE.
The jury we were being considered for was a first degree murder trial that was a change of venue from another county. It had already had three mistrials because they didn't think they were able to sit an unbiased jury. Wow! The whole day was a lesson to me in our freedom and liberty here in the United States. I ended up not being selected for the jury, but I certainly left there a more educated and proud citizen of this great country. I was proud of the whole system. I know it isn't perfect. We sometimes convict people that aren't guilt - which is unforgiveable. We sometimes don't convict those who are guilty and justice isn't served for the victim(s) - which is unforgiveable. However, the overwhelming majority of times, we get it right!! When you really think about it, it is hard to wrap your brain around - at least for me. Common people, with only laymen's knowledge of the law and judicial system, live out the process and get it right!!!!
As I sat in that courtroom, answering questions and listening to the other potential jurors answer the questions, it was almost surreal. Sometimes my heart would flutter when the judge would talk about the crime and the defendent (who was sitting in the room) and I would again realize, this is REAL. This is about someones life that was cut short and someone else's life who was being tried for a crime that had ended anothers life. This defendents life would be in the hands of the jury. A conviction would mean a life sentence - either with or without the chance of parole. Again, my heart would flutter when it was discussed. I can NOT imagine if we were a state with the death penalty. What???? This wasn't TV. It was real. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced.
I was impressed by the judge, the prosecuters, the defense attorneys and my fellow potential jurors. At one point, the judge addressed the two jurors who were over 70 and said they could be excused because of age if they chose. Both agreed to stay. I was impressed. Out of the 50+ of us, there was only one person who very clearly expressed her desire to NOT be selected (and she wasn't). Everyone else, although perhaps inconvenienced, seemed to understand their role in this process was necessary for our country to live out its promise of liberty and justice for all.
I have always been patriotic - thank you to my parents - but this experience increased my love for this country exponentially. It was an experience I will not soon forgot - hopefully, I won't ever forget it. I am a better person for it, that is for sure. I thank all those people who participate in our judicial system as true and honest representatives of the process. I thank all of my fellow citizens who have ever served on a jury in an effort to bring justice to an unjust situation.
We are a lucky bunch to be citizens of this great country. I will never forget that - I hope you won't either.

Mom & Dad's Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday was my parent's 52nd wedding anniversary. What???? 52 years. Hard to imagine. I've been married 18 1/2 years, and I'm proud of that!!! Did I say 52 years!!!
Over the years, I've watched my parents live through lots of ups and downs. It would be a lie to say it was all sunshine and roses. However, one of the things that I admire the most is that they did work through the hard times of raising children, changing jobs, financial strains, illness, extended family demands, etc. Now, coming out on the other end of 52 years, they seem to be more in Love than ever before. Seeing them holding hands in  the park, a gentle touch on the arm one gives to the other, a peck on the cheek as one leaves the room, gives insight into their deep Love for one another.
There are a few things that I think that have helped sustained my parents in their marriage. A deep abiding Faith may have been the key; believing the commitment they made before God WAS truly for life. They remind me of Olivia and John Walton - which is probably why I love that show. Like Olivia, my mother is the ever faithful servant attending church and making sure we understood what it meant to be a christian. She is the image of Love. Like John, my father didn't regularly attend church. However, you couldn't find a more godly man. Loving, kind, compassionate, faithful; that would describe my father. "He didn't tell me how to live. He lived and allowed me to watch."
Another reason I think my parents have reached 52 years is the trust they had for one another. Neither of them every overroad the other with their beliefs or desires. They compromised and allowed their trust of the other to guide their discussions and decisions. There were not power struggles. They trusted each other and worked things out. Did they always agree - absolutely not but they always found a way to work it out.
Finally, throughout my life, I watched my parents hold the other in the highest regard. The respect they showed one another was amazing. When I was younger, I didn't realize that's what it was, but as I grew older, I began to understand how they each repected the other. Mom was home full-time when I was growing up and Dad was always praising her for the way she managed our home. He never, ever showed anything but respect for her and all she did to raise the children and make our house a home - and what a GREAT job she did. I still have the highest regard for women who are full-time in the home. Holy moly - what an important job.
Dad is a free thinker and mom always respected the ideas he had and the need he had to live "outside the box" - before that was even a catch phrase. He walked a different path than most men of his generation - perhaps one of the reasons mom fell in love with him. She knew he would "do the right thing" and stand up for what was right - even if he stood alone. He never really stood alone, because she was with him.
Faith, Trust and Respect. Are these the things that allow two people to Love one another and live together for over 52 years? I don't know, but I sure think having these three things in a relationship can help to build a life long Love.
Here's to Jack and Bidgie!!!! How you did it, I don't know but you did it! You are an inspiration. I love you, I respect you. Happy Anniversary!!! You're just too precious for words.

Taking the High Road

Taking the high road in life is not always the easiest choice. It is, however, the right choice. It may be lonely up there, but there ARE a few people on the high road. I promise. I also promise, those are the people with whom you want to surround yourself.
Sometimes it is a hard decision to take the high road. It may not be the most popular decision at the time. Sometimes it doesn't even feel good at the time. Perhaps you want to get back at someone for something bad they've done to you. Maybe you want to point out they are a hypocrit; maybe a liar; maybe they've hurt someone you love. Your first reaction might be to "attack" or lash out.
However, as we all know, it is always better to take a deep breath and step back from the situation before responding.
I know that when I take the high road, I may be the only one that knows I've taken the high road. That isn't always easy. You have to be able to feel good about feeling good INSIDE yourself.  Ask yourself, "What is the right thing to do?" TRULY the right thing. You know what that is - and don't act like you don't.

Taking the high road doesn't mean you don't stand up for yourself or that you let people walk all over you. It means you are Loving, respectful, and compassionate in your response and behavior. If you feel you have to respond to someone in a difficult situation, you can respond in a calm and kind manner being truthful and fair. However, it may also mean the best thing is to walk away. Every situation is different. You have to decide.

The truth is that making the choice to take the high road is ABOUT YOU - NOT THEM. You have to make the decision to do the right thing and stop the madness. Let it go. It is the only way to move on and not get bogged down with anger and sadness in your heart. You may be surprised at how good it feels to take the high road. It lightens the heart and makes the world a better place. It allows you to move past the anger, hurt and fear to a place of Love and light. Doesn't that sound better??? Try it. I think you'll find it a wondrous place to be.

Election Day Feelings

My husband and I voted today in the West Virginia special election for Governor. We took the boys with us, and one of them went into the voters booth with each of us. I really want to instill in them how important it is to exercise your right to vote, be patriotic and be a responsible citizen.  My parents did that for me, and I think it made me a better person.  Every time I vote, I feel so good about participating in my government. I mean, that is what it is all about in this country, isn't it? I can remember thinking when the whole Florida debacle occurred during the Presidential election between Bush and Gore, "this isn't pretty, but a lesser nation would have broken into civil unrest or even war". There was NO violence. Certainly people complained and were unhappy, but we worked through the entire process with no unrest to speak of. I don't know if people truly understand how incredible it is that we live in a nation that can stay intact through a process like that. How proud I was ~ even though I was disappointed in the final outcome  ;)
Depending on whose in office and what is going on, we all may have issues with the government from time-to-time, but what an incredible blessing it is that we can voice our feelings and debate with others without fear of imprisonment or even death. Many people don't realize the enormity of that. I do, and I am thankful everyday for the blessing of being an American. God Bless our founding fathers for their foresight. Unbelievable when you really think about it!!!! Whoo Hoo ~ America ROCKS.

Mom's Potato Salad

I would swear my husband married me for my mom's potato salad. Yes. It's that good. If you don't believe me, I can give you references. No one knows why its so good. Could it be the way she cuts up the potatoes so small, or the special dressing she mixes up herself, or the celery she chops into it? Nobody knows! Not even her. She is happy to show anyone how she makes it, and she'll tell you there is no special secret. Well  maybe there's no secret, but it sure is special.

One time when a high school friend was getting married back home, she picked up a 10 lb bag of potatos and dropped it off at my parents house with a note from my husband and one of his friends to my mom that said, "You know what to do." They wanted to be sure when they came in for the wedding that weekend, there would be plenty of potato salad. As always, mom was happy to do it.

Now potato salad isn't the only thing mom is best at. I swear she is the greatest cook ever. From her haluski  to cabbage rolls to pineapple squares to her homemade bread . . .  . she rocks the kitchen! Then comes holiday time. Oh my, her stuffing is to die for. Everyone wants to eat Thanksgiving dinner at my moms and rightly so ~ pumpkin pies, stuffed celery, broccili & cheese casserole, and on and on.

Her potato salad remains her signature dish though. She's known far and wide for that potato salad, and there isn't an event that goes by that she isn't asked to make it. Like I said, its been talked and talked and talked about and no one knows what makes that potato salad so good, but if I was a bettin' woman, I'd bet it has something to do with all that Love she puts in it.

No Turning!!! Really?????

Have you ever seen a sign in someone's driveway that says "No Turning" ? What??? I mean, what is that about??? I saw one coming home from work yesterday at a house on a straight stretch of road. Okay, so this is what I'm thinking, do you really have to put up a sign??? I mean, how often can it actually happen??? Surely, it doesn't happen so often that you have to put up a sign, right????? And, how much can it really hurt if once or twice a year somebody turns around in your driveway???? Jeez, lighten up.  Just sayin'. . . .

I was the Milkman's Daughter, Really, I was!

Everyone knows the joke about the child in the family that looked really different and would be asked with a laugh, "Do you belong to the milkman?" Well, my siblings and I really were the milkman's kids. Our Dad drove a milk truck back in the day when most everyone had a gray, insulated box on their porch for milk deliveries. We had a generator at the house that the milk truck was plugged into each evening. The next morning Dad would head out around 4:00 a.m. so he could start getting milk to his customers before breakfast. The sound of him and mom up before dawn getting him ready for work and then the sound of his truck starting and pulling out of the driveway was very comforting as I snuggled in my bed. All was well with the world. Dad didn't get home until dinner time each day. It was long days with lots of physical work. You've heard the mantra of the mailman, "through rain, snow, sleet or hail . .  . "  Well, that was certainly the mantra of the milkman too. My Dad was up and out on the big snow days way before anyone else. He put the chains on his tires, and he was off. It was him and the state road workers on many mornings. Dad found himself making the tracks on the roads for those that came after him. He also found himself pulling people out of snow banks many times. I don't ever remember him being too tired to go back out and help someone, and I don't ever remember Mom being irratated when he was headed back out the door after dinner to pull yet someone else out of a ditch. It's what you did. I didn't know it then, but those attitudes about helping others were making a lifelong impression on me and my siblings.

Dad knew everyone in the county by virtue of the work he did. He delivered milk to just about everyone. When I got to dating age, I suffered through a lot of comments from my dad to my dates about how he had known them from the time they were just "knee high to a grasshopper". I "suffered" through it but was secretly pleased that my Dad was the ever loved milkman known by all!

One of the advantages of having your Dad being the milk man was that on those hot summer days, you could open up the milk truck and get a pint of chocolate milk or a freeze pop. It was GREAT! And in the era of very few air conditioners, you could hop up into the truck and get yourself cooled off. What a treat!
Sometimes when he still had "runs" to make when we got home from school, he would stop by the house and pick me up and/or one or more of my siblings, and we'd finish his route with him. What I remember from those runs was sitting beside my Dad in that big truck feeling so proud. Everybody knew Jack and his milk truck.

As times changed, the milkman was lost to ever increasing costs and the local convenient stores popping up every where. However, I'll never forget those days, and I will always be proud to say I AM the milkman's daughter!

Let's Get Back to Porch Sittin'

I've often been heard to say that I come from a long line of porch sitters. My parents can often be found on their back porch whiling away the hours listening to Johnny Cash, The Beatles, Credence, Patsy and Loretta; cleaning beans; reading; drinking coffee; or a million other things. Oftentimes when I am faced with an issue that is bothersome to me, I find myself wishing I was on the back porch. Many problems were solved on the Waltons porch and the porch at Andy Taylor's house in Mayberry. You know it is true!

I read an article once that, tongue-in-cheek, suggested that air conditioning was the downfall of our society as it took us all inside in the hot summer evenings after dinner rather than out onto the porches where we would actually interact with our family and also with the neighbors. It was an exaggerated piece, but the bottom line was really quite true. We knew our neighbors much better and we were friendlier in our neighborhoods when we all sat on our porches of an evening. It kept us in touch with one another and slowed the pace of our lives down enough that we got to know one another better than many of us tend to today.  In a country song by Tracy Lawrence, the chorus says:

"If the world had a front porch like we did back then, we'd still have our problems but we'd all be friends.
Treating your neighbor like he's your next of kin, wouldn't be gone with the wind.
If the world had a front porch, like we did back then!"
This just feels true to me.

I was fortunate that my family valued time together when I was growing up. Porch sittin' was common. I can't count the times I sat with my grandma Anna on her front porch watching the evening go by in Collier, sitting on the glider, chatting about "stuff", eating ice cream from Reitters, sometimes watching the people coming and going from the Methodist Church across the street, waving as the kids rode by on their bikes. As a child I may have felt bored, but as an adult I looked forward to those times. We made a lot of great memories together on her porch. She's been gone almost 20 years and even today when the wind hits my face a certain way in the spring it takes me back for just the slightest second to her and I sitting on her porch. What a blessing that memory is to me! It never fails to bring a smile to my face. Even though the world has changed so much since those days, I really hope my kids are making those kinds of memories. When I visit my parents, nothing makes me happier than when I get up and come downstairs for my coffee and find my mom with my boys sitting on the back porch in the quiet morning with the birds chirping, snapping beans from the garden. Now that's a memory.

Doing the Right Thing Never Goes Out of Style

Sometimes it feels like doing the right thing is not what gets you ahead in life. It is hard to watch others around you who are self-serving or not honest in their dealings get rewarded for their behavior.  I know we have all been told "What comes around goes around", "Karma's a bitch", "He'll get his", and on and on. However, at the time you might be dealing with a difficult person or situation, these kinds of statements just don't help much. The people that say them mean well, but it just isn't what you want to hear when what you really need is someone telling you how or where to bury a body. Am I right!!! Of course I am.
Once we are over the pain, disguist, anger, sadness, or whatever emotion we are feeling when life is getting the best of us, we have to remember to keep calm and carry on. It is even okay to take a moment or two to feel sorry for yourself. Everyone does that sometimes. Don't stay in that place though. It doesn't serve you and only seems to suggest that you may have given up and given in to the negative around you.
Once you've taken the time you need to mourn whatever you feel you've lost, you must pick up and move forward always doing the right thing. Living with integrity, being fair and honest, and doing the right thing never go out of style. I can't say I always stay calm and carry on. Sometimes it just feels like life gets the best of me and it is all just TOO unfair. It is during those times, I try to remind myself that no one said life was fair and if they did, they were lying. It isn't always fair and that hurts. Sometimes it hurts more than other times and for longer times than others. However, regardless, we have to fight the good fight. Think about what your mother and father, grandparents, or others you respect and have gone before you might want you to do, and then Fight On! It is always good to remember what Friedrich Nietzsche said, "He who fights monsters must take care lest he become a monster himself."
I learned a lot about doing the right thing on the back porch at my mom & dad's house, but thats another blog. Just remember, keep calm and carry on.